the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
