Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
