Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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