Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
