I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
