I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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