You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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