...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
