Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I want a musical about memes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm having to shit out rocks
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
