I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
