I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
