Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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