We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Floor bacon is actually really good
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
