So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love having hate sex.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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