Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
