his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
