New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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