just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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