he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Enjoy the penises
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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