Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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