I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
