When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
