I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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