I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
are you so shy because you have an std?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
