You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
