Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
