Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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