Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
