...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
why is half of my head shaved?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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