my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
