I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
