ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
