i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
