Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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