i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
