I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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