Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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