If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
