i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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