you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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