Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
