smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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