Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
