can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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