If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
