I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
