I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
