Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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