I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
