ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
