Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
