I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
