im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
