I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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