Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
