arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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