Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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